'Wigs for Heroes' the Blog.
Here you will find all things beauty, skin care, lifestyle, tips, tricks, tutorials, art and giveaways.
Wigs for Heroes is a registered charity founded in 2017 by Kaz Foncette.
We aim to provide women at North Middlesex Hospital with the financial help for quality wigs, scarves and hats.
We also provide every other woman in the UK with Pamper Boxes and host Beauty events and workshops in London.
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Post Chemo Post: When Your Dr Martens Outlive Your Relationships
Ladies and gentleman it is true, your Dr Martens will pprrrrobably outlive some of the relationships you previously thought were solid as a rock. Just goes to show these boots are everrrthang.
Lets start this with the old saying...I am not crazy.... and anyone who has 'drifters' will probably agree with me too.
What are drifters I hear you ask? Well my trusted readers, those are the people who you thought would be there for you whenever you needed them....day or night. Don't get me wrong, the strong ones will hang around like a bad smell you somehow... oddly enough WANT around, and they will ultimately be given the title 'forever friends'. Been on holiday together ...check....made music together....check....fought cancer with me...check!
#relationshipgoals are met by your significant other and your 'forever friends' but #drifters is now the ugly new trend.
When I was first diagnosed, it was so hard to digest the fact that I had cancer. My friends and family were the ones who drummed the 'stay positive' slogan into my head, they were all involved in group messages, late night sobbing calls, misunderstood meet ups and the 'novelty' of a friend having cancer was on everyones radar.
Endless messages...endless calls.... I was in a different place then, emotionally begging for support without actually begging and now.....poof.
I know I know, everyone has their own lives to deal with, their own families, their own set of problems. An insane girlfriend a stressful job, but now that chemo has ended it doesn't mean the friendships should too? Does it?
I think the main reason why we notice this sudden loss is the amount of time we invested into the relationship we thought would stand the test of time and now, when its time to be selfish and have the investment pay off, that is when you notice...you counted on the wrong ones.
This may seem like the 'oh she's complaining' post but I kid you not, there are tons and tons of posts out there from cancer patients on various platforms who feel the same thing.
Why does this happen....are we too stressful or tiring to be around? Does the new grabbing life by the horns thing scare them? Should I regret being so open about my diagnosis?
Its hard to get to the route of why this happened but it did and there is not much we can do but explore our new relationships that we have been blessed with, and maintain the ones we had with the people that stuck around. Life has a funny way of proving the 'out with the old' theory, and sometimes you not only need to clear out and reorganise your wardrobe, but your friends too.
It can be a lonely moment...heck it can even feel like a bereavement, but I don't intend to do any crying or dwelling or even chasing...I'm way too tired mate.
Its been exactly 1 month and 9 days since the end of chemo and 2 weeks since my lumpectomy. Treatment is definitely not over but I'm in a good place mentally for the moment. The mental aspects of going through chemo dip in and out of highs and lows and somehow we will get to the point where it is ....normal again. Its a fact. Its in stone and even if it takes years....we will be OK again.
I have fortunately made new friends and built stronger friendships with people whom I wasn't so close with before and man are these people amazing! Believe it or not Instagram has been a great place for finding like minded people who are going through the same 'cancer shite'.
I have been heavily investing time into my charity as I can't work at the moment, so daily Internet use without moving from my bed works well for such things.
I have a new found confidence that Sherlock himself would never have guessed would happen.
Getting to this place has not been easy. Its not something that just 'is'...it takes work, it takes energy, it takes me waking up everyday looking at my changed body my changed face and remembering how far I've come, how much shit I have crawled through with all this treatment. Its annoying that there is more to come but hey...one thing at a time.
Its takes surrounding myself with people who understand a 'hard time' and connecting with them, not being afraid of reaching out because you know what...they will grab your hand and carry you with them because they are more than likely in the exact same situation as you.
We sadly can't control how people respond and the disappearing acts around us, but we can control how we will respond to friends that may experience illness or hardship in the future. We can choose whether or not we want to 'forgive and forget'. A wise friend once told me we are in a position of great power, so use your powers wisely.
Going back to work after treatment is a big deal, well it was for me anyway.
I had so many questions running through my mind and scenarios which constantly kept triggering my anxiety but the main question that was at the forefront of my mind was ...would I be able to cope?
I was diagnosed with Grade 3 Stage 2 HER2 Positive Breast Cancer in May 2017 at the ripe old age of 31 and after completing fertility treatment to preserve embryos, shortly after diagnosis, my brutal cancer treatment begun.
5 months of chemotherapy, a lumpectomy, full auxiliary node clearance, 20 rounds of radiotherapy and 18 rounds of Herceptin. It was a busy 15 months that's for sure.
When I was undergoing treatment, being at the hospital week in week out became routine, a bit like a really crappy job. I knew what I had to do, knew what could go wrong, prayed that it didn't , had my lunch on my chemo chair, chatted with other patients like I was in a weird board meeting, but didn't have the nice pay …
When going through cancer treatment it seems like the days merge into one and the long process sometimes feels like its never going to end. Obviously it will... at some point.
Yes we remain hopeful because we don't really have another choice, and yes we have a plan for treatment but honestly....it drags a lot of the the time like a dirty plastic bag, stuck under a car and as things can change so quickly, we can never be fully prepared for it. As one of my instagram friends quite rightly put it, this journey is anything but predictable, you just have to hold on tight!
So it was the end of my chemo on 14th November, and I had my Lumpectomy and auxiliary node clearance on the 7th December. I really needed to get away and forget about hospital appointments and watching Jeremy shiteing Kyle for a hot minute otherwise I'd likely go insane, but where to go?!
My immune system still being low and my body still recovering, flying abroad was not an option. Annoyed!